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waldorfstatler
16 June 2006 @ 10:17 am

Waldorf here, coming back to report to you after a week of training!  My God, only a few more days and it'll be ok...however!  We have been neglecting our public, so here I am to fix that!  Statler will be inputting a few comments when I'm done, but for now, let's see what's going on in our little hell on Earth!

Statler- Let me just say Waldorf that you have been greatly missed, Now don't go getting all mushy on me or anything. I am just saying that it is more fun when youare around. Time doesn't creap by.
Waldorf - who can we pick on today Staler?  The scrawny, short white boy who cracnks his hard core rap at work?  Or the mega wench who thinks she has everybody by the gonads?  Maybe the lazy, "I'm just waiting for my social security to kick in" guy?  Pick one.

Statler0- as far as who we are gonna talk about today- i am tired- I dont' think I want to expel any of my depleted energy on these losers today. I think I will sit back and listen to the bad pre show music and watch manaement try to make us like our jobs.

 
 
waldorfstatler
09 June 2006 @ 11:19 am
Statler - We need a fashion police force here! We are about to hurl our popcorn, and we dont' mean throw it over the rail!

Waldorf - maybe if we hurl it on their clothing it would look better!  hahahahahahaha!
 
 
waldorfstatler
08 June 2006 @ 03:05 pm
Statler- Ever notice how your workplace is like a hospital? (Waldorf-our workplace IS an old hospital!)

I mean, you hear all of the bodily noises that a human body can possibly make. (Waldorf-there's a few I haven't heard yet...lol!)

You have Hockman- dredging up luggies all day and enjoying swallowing them accompanied by the appealing sounds of grunts all day long from clearing his throat. (Waldorf-yeah, sounds more like a pig rutting in the mud to me....)
If we get lucky, he might throw in a belch or two. On those extra special days we are blessed with the wafting smell of something dead coming over the top of the cubicles. (Waldorf-there is something dead, it's up his butt! Every time he rips a fart, it just about kills half our workforce, then we have a major hiring phase...sigh...)

Then you have Mr. Sneezy- he holds the record for the world's loudest sneezes ever! Runner up is Sneezy2. He can sneeze nonstop for 15 minutes and never blow his nose to stop. It is almost like he gets off doing it. (Waldorf-refer to my comment below...lol!)

Batty- now she makes a noise that I am not sure whether it is choking or coughing or sneezing, but inevitably, no concealing, just let'er RIP!!!!! (Waldorf-along with eating while she's on the phone! This leads to choking and more coughing to which the customer on the phone is treated to!)

Not to mention the army of drones that work here, living in Nashville- the allergy bowl- that have allergies and don't want to do anything about them. So they come in sniffing, sneezing, coughing, hacking, moaning, blowing noses and in general making a ruckus all day long.

Cancer Gal- smokes like a chimney and nearly coughs up a lung every day. (Waldorf-yeah, and she's right in the middle of the damn call center! So it's not like we can ignore her!)
The urge to yell out "smoke another one!" is getting more and more difficult to stifle. (Waldorf-you stifle that? oops, I thought we were supposed to just yell it at her! LOL!!!!!)

And can you please explain the whole- I must snort instead of sniff my nose if I am a male- thing?